Cecilee and The Bear
by: Alex Blackstone

A few weeks ago, I submitted a poem (that I had written as a joke) to Poetry.com. Not one week later, I received this letter from the site's Managing Editor:

"After carefully reading and discussing your poem, our Selection Committee has certified your poem as a semi-finalist in our International Poetry Contest. Your poem will automatically be entered into the final competition held in October 2006. As a semi-finalist, you now have an excellent chance of winning one of 104 cash or gift prizes--including the $1,000.00 Grand Prize. You may even win the $10,000.00 Annual Grand Prize! We wish you the best of luck as you compete for these prizes in the coming weeks (a complete list of prizes is enclosed).

And that's not all. In celebration of the unique talent that you have displayed, we also wish to publish your poem on its own page in what promises to be one of the most highly regarded collections of poetry we have ever published."

Sounds exciting, right? It seemed like quite an achievement the first time I got one of these. Since submitting my first poem to the website in 2004, I have gotten similar letters regarding every piece that I have sent in. Some of the work I took seriously, but most were just random things that I jotted down on restaurant napkins or during class out of sheer boredom. After substantial consideration, I have come to three conclusions:

1) The editing staff at Poetry.com has a very warped perception of what is entertaining and/or profound, and therefore very low standards when it comes to selecting work for publication. Let's keep in mind that the proofs that I get back with these letters almost always contain spelling, punctuation and/or word usage errors. Whoops.
2) Most of the work submitted to Poetry.com is complete shit anyway, and my works, along with the other selections for publication, are chosen by default.
3) They really want people to buy these books and send a letter to each person that has submitted work. (I am not entirely certain that this is a money-making scam, as having your work published does not require you to purchase the book.)

On the off chance that none of these things are true and that "Cecilee and the Bear" actually has some artistic value (it really doesn't), I have decided to post it for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

Cecilee and the Bear

There once was a girl named Cecilee.
She had purple hair.
One day she climbed into a tree
and came across a bear.

The bear said to her, "Hello m'lady,"
and Cecilee was surprised.
Because while the bear spoke to her,
he was also eating fries.

Cecilee gave the bear a hug,
whist she snuck a fry. (What a hound!)
The bear got angry. (You think he noticed?)
Cecilee is yet to be found.